yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize