Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
