When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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