i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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