mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We left an ass print on the piano.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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