mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That accounts for only three of the penises
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
