I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
