***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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