best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
