There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
