Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
