what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
