I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
