So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
