You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
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