You're completely useless in the revolution.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize