Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
