I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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