clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
