There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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