he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
