either way he was missing a nipple.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
