U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
