I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
