I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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