grandma shit on top of the toilet
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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