There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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