i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i now understand why vodka
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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