Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize