five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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