my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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