I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
