On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
