After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
