I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
