My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
