Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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