we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
