haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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