my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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