Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
