my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
