We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
