The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
