Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
