I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my shit smells like andre
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
