I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
