i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So much rum. So many feels.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
