I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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