All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Houston, we have a blender
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
