Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
