no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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