Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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