I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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