What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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