He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
