tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
