I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
