i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
