Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
