Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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