I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
