Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
