Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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