When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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