If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
