i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
