I understand Curling. That high.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
