omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
