toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
