chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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